Present vs o’Clock

What a crazy week.  A tree branch hit my car last week so this week I had to drop it off on Monday morning at the body shop for repairs.  My insurance does not cover car rental so my wonderful son Tevis decided to work from Davis this week so we could share a car.  (It is easier since today when he flew to Los Angeles to celebrate John Luke and Glenn’s birthdays.) I also started a new contract on Monday with Department of Water Resources/Bay Delta Conservation Program (more on this in a moment). And then Boston happened.  

Tuesday was another crazy full day including cooking dinner for Tevis and me. Then today was again full and overflowing.  

On the way to the outside trash can I found myself wondering, “Is it really only Wednesday?”  A part of me is having a small panic attack about falling into my old preoccupations with my work. I have not always been good about shutting it off when the work day is done. I think about it, dream about it, read about it, talk about it, email about it. I want to be present in this moment. In the past that has meant obsessing over my calendar.

On the way to the trash bin I had a small epiphany:  being o’clock (obsessed with time including the date) is not the same as being present. In fact, it robs me of the present moment.  Oh sure, I have to check in occasionally so I do not miss a commitment to meet someone. And I need to track my billable hours.  However, obsessing over my calendar gives me a false sense of control and keeps me from the present moment.

How do I get back into this moment?  I started by noticing that very moment. How my toes hurt after a long day in these shoes. I noticed that most people in our 10 unit complex must be right handed because the garbage tip fills on the left first. I noticed that Radar is still barking from inside my apartment. I felt the weather actually feeling warmer in the twilight because the wind finally died down.

I am now back in front of the computer. I am asking myself what do I need now? I need to drink a tall glass of water and to knit.  

P.S.  My second contract is quite exciting. I am a “consulting detective” figuring out what is actually in the landscape in the Delta and ground truthing the BDCP maps.  I will also be the eyes and ears of the Asst. Secretary of Resources Jerry Merrill helping to resolve many of the concerns that have been raised at public meetings. It is in the field and truly part-time (so I can continue my current projects with Metropolitan Water District).  This time I said “yes” to the opportunity.  

3 thoughts on “Present vs o’Clock

  1. speaking of o’clock, why does your post say it is april 18 3 am? here it is still april 17 and nearing midnight. why i am up is another mystery to be solved.

    staying present is really a skill. must be present to win is the truth. good on you, julie.

  2. LOVE this Julie. I love you connected to the physical sensations around you which instantly get you into your right brain and really being present to what’s around. I sometimes feel like when I re-presence myself it’s like the movie the Matrix where time slows down and you can notice so much more than at regular speed. I LOVE that feeling.

    I also really feel like your new detective job is going to serve your writing. I’m not sure how, just feels really connected and meaningful to me!

    Keep being your awesome self. Love You.

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