Yesterday I was in a very dark place most of the day. I thought it probable that I would hear about the Metropolitan Water District job on Wednesday and I had just enough patience until I got the call. As the day wore on and I did not get the call my gremlins came out in full force. You know, the voices that speak nonsense, “You’ll never be employed again.” “You should have never quit your job.” “Your resume is freakish–who will hire you!”
I did my best to tell my gremlins to “Shut up!” and it was exhausting and felt sick to my stomach. This started another cycle of dark thoughts: my intuition knows that I will not get the job… Towards the end of the day Connie called and threw me a life line: she asked “What is your stake?” She assumed it was moving back to New Zealand. I knew that in fact my stake is to redesign my life. Living in New Zealand may ultimately, again, be a big part of the redesign. Right here, right now it is redesigning so I experience God more (more joy, more peace), improve my health, and create from a new place. Connie and I figured out a strategy for today. First, assume I will not hear about the job until next week. Put the waiting to hear any moment on ice. Second, do something physical to get in touch with my stake again.
I chose to ride my bike to McKinley Park and journal about my stake.
So at 10:00 a.m. this morning I left on my blue beach cruiser, christened Gidget, and headed towards McKinley Park. I enjoyed the beautiful sunny, warming February morning. I took the less travelled route that is designed more for bicycles. Motorists were very polite. I found myself waving to other cyclists and saying ‘good morning’ to walkers. I was in a very good mood by the time I got to the Starbucks on J Street. It is tough to sip and latte and steer and pedal, so I started my journaling at a sidewalk table. (Turns out that the Sacramento Bee had a big story on the joys of bicycling in Sacramento today: http://www.sacbee.com/2012/02/09/4248855/sacramento-bicycle-commuters-sold.html)
Then I continued on to the beautiful McKinley Park. The upshot is that I do need a job; however, my redesign is about so much more. I reaffirmed what I want the details of my life to look like and I enjoyed the beauty (and the ducks) of the park.
I kept running errands on Gidget and probably cycled about 15 miles. It felt awesome. I continued to move about my day as if there was no expectation of a phone call. Well almost, everytime the phone rang, my heart leapt a little.
Finally, about 4:00 p.m. Tom Philp called and offered me the job. I am employed now and it will fit in beautifully with my resdesign. Well paid and part time.
What a relief.