Living a Passion-less Life

I would like to make the case for living a passion-less life.  Before you reel in horror and send me to an Oprah bootcamp, hear me out.

I listened to a story on NPR yesterday morning about graduation speeches that all say a variation of the same thing: find your passion/live your passion. Then they focused on one very bright, well educated young man who felt the odd-person out because he did not know what his passion is and he thought most of his peers did.  He went about meeting with economists to solicit their help in finding direction post graduation.

I thought many things throughout the story. First and foremost, he is the norm not the outlier.  I bet most people struggle to name their passion or claim their calling.  Not so long ago (maybe less than 50 years ago), people did not have such lofty expectations to live a passion-filled life. In our affluence we now demand that not only should we be able to earn more than a living wage, but only at something we are enthusiastic about.  Given how much time we trade work for income, I am not dismissing this aspiration out of hand.

What, though, if you are like this young man? He has many interests. His curiosity engages him in the world without providing him one overriding passion that he can point to… and I can relate.  I spent most of my life thinking that if only I found my particular passion path I would be transformed.

This expectation is fueled by the people we know who appear to have a real passion for their work or a calling to a vocation.  I remember hearing Astronaut Stephen Robinson interviewed about his career and he is one of those people who knew from a young age that he wanted to fly and seemingly single-mindedly pursued his passion until it took him to space and beyond.  My pastor Jim Healton is called to ministry and UK Sarah too, albeit later in life.  Sometimes we observe someone’s passion for their work and we might not acknowledge it as such at the time. Tedd Kraft was my dentist when I lived in Monterey and I never asked if he always wanted to be a dentist or if it was a strategy to avoid the infantry in Vietnam that turned into his calling. Nonetheless, he pursued dentistry with passion. So much so that even now my dentist will remark on Tedd’s work on my molars and note the excellence of his crowns.

I am glad those people received the gift of a calling and pursued it. What if no such calling is evident? Then what?  Then do something, anything (legal and moral) with gusto. Invest in your relationships (that could be your passion). Over time, through trial and error, you may uncover your calling or your passion. At least you will live an interesting and fulfilling life. I look back over my life and I have many diverse experiences and many enthusiasms and rarely a dull moment in spite of never discovering my calling. I would tell graduates, “You can too.”

Present vs o’Clock

What a crazy week.  A tree branch hit my car last week so this week I had to drop it off on Monday morning at the body shop for repairs.  My insurance does not cover car rental so my wonderful son Tevis decided to work from Davis this week so we could share a car.  (It is easier since today when he flew to Los Angeles to celebrate John Luke and Glenn’s birthdays.) I also started a new contract on Monday with Department of Water Resources/Bay Delta Conservation Program (more on this in a moment). And then Boston happened.  

Tuesday was another crazy full day including cooking dinner for Tevis and me. Then today was again full and overflowing.  

On the way to the outside trash can I found myself wondering, “Is it really only Wednesday?”  A part of me is having a small panic attack about falling into my old preoccupations with my work. I have not always been good about shutting it off when the work day is done. I think about it, dream about it, read about it, talk about it, email about it. I want to be present in this moment. In the past that has meant obsessing over my calendar.

On the way to the trash bin I had a small epiphany:  being o’clock (obsessed with time including the date) is not the same as being present. In fact, it robs me of the present moment.  Oh sure, I have to check in occasionally so I do not miss a commitment to meet someone. And I need to track my billable hours.  However, obsessing over my calendar gives me a false sense of control and keeps me from the present moment.

How do I get back into this moment?  I started by noticing that very moment. How my toes hurt after a long day in these shoes. I noticed that most people in our 10 unit complex must be right handed because the garbage tip fills on the left first. I noticed that Radar is still barking from inside my apartment. I felt the weather actually feeling warmer in the twilight because the wind finally died down.

I am now back in front of the computer. I am asking myself what do I need now? I need to drink a tall glass of water and to knit.  

P.S.  My second contract is quite exciting. I am a “consulting detective” figuring out what is actually in the landscape in the Delta and ground truthing the BDCP maps.  I will also be the eyes and ears of the Asst. Secretary of Resources Jerry Merrill helping to resolve many of the concerns that have been raised at public meetings. It is in the field and truly part-time (so I can continue my current projects with Metropolitan Water District).  This time I said “yes” to the opportunity.  

Needed a little magic this morning…

I have been in a funk for the past couple of days. I want to be more productive, more creative. Some kind of weight kept pulling me down. This morning I leashed Radar and headed out the door and began to try to imagine what my life would look like if I was more creative. A series of thoughts flitted through my mind and I realized that I am trying to rework too much at once: my eating, exercise and writing habits. I am making it all a lot of work. Instead I will live my life. I felt lighter.

We continued our walk through the village and amused by the chickens I sat down on a bench to tweet. I heard it before I saw it: a Darth Vadar kind of breathing. Then it came into view.

Radar started grumbling at it. We could hear the pilots talking about where they wanted to land and Radar’s hackles went up and he began barking. I thought they might land on the green but then they said they would land in the agricultural field beyond Russell Boulevard.

Radar and I followed the balloon as it disappeared over the housetops. And saw it land in the field behind my home.

 

The wonder of this crazy form of transportation did the magic trick… I am energized and I am ready to be surprised and delighted.

The Joyful Couple

Just after being introduced as Marcos and Sarah Dolislager, the happy couple express their joy.

Our culture often says one’s wedding day is the happiest days in our lives. Among my happiest days (measured by the smile plastered on my face) is the day Sarah was born, and this day, March 22, 2013.

It was wonderful to see the days unfold just as Sarah and Marcos planned and intended. Everything worked out from the weather cooperating so Sarah could fulfill her dream of marrying under an oak tree, to the full on dancing at the reception. I loved every minute.

I am filled with gratitude for the man that Neila and Leon reared. Marcos is a man of God, full of integrity and knows how to work hard. He has dreams for himself and for the family he is building with Sarah. Most of all he cherishes my daughter. It feels great to take a deep breath and expand our family to include him and his family.

It is good.

Midlife Crises for Nonprofit Laborers

My Auntie Jeanette sent me an article reprinted from The New York Times, “Shifting Gears at Midlife”.  It’s focus is reflected in this quote, “As people hit their 50th and 60th birthdays and realize they are far from done with work, millions are moving into careers that combine making a living and a difference.”  I am always glad to read about others making a big shift; however, I believe there is a fundamental difference in the mid-career crisis of a nonprofit worker from, say a corporate attorney.

The writer Marci Alboher asserts that the main motivation in a mid-career redesign is finding more meaning in work.  Then what motivates those of us who have always been rich in meaningful work?  In fact, those of us who have spent our work lives awash in purpose instead of cash, are redesigning for different reasons and without the benefit of savings and stocks that make such a transition easier.  Since I do not have a statistically significant sample, I can only share my experience.

I believe I was driven in my career until recently by a strong desire to make the world a better place. Fine, okay, good even.  I was also motivated by a belief that the world becoming a better place depended on my efforts. Hmmm, not so good.  If you are currently caught up in the same deception you may not see the problem.  ”One person can make a difference” and all that. It is so easy to slip from a sense of purpose and meaning to an unhealthy compulsion and a distorted belief that if I try hard enough I can MAKE something happen. Being in that frame of mind is exhausting and led to my burn-out.  Some people stay in place and adjust or do not adjust but hang in there until retirement.

I am taking the less travelled path of reinvention.  I have an admirable friend who has changed careers and made big shifts, but he did not move, nor did he write a blog and make big pronouncements.  His friends may not have thought of his shifts as a reinvention.  I do.

The mark of reinvention is not how far you physically move, or how much weight you lose, or changing careers.  It is an internal shift, a taking stock and re-evaluating how your life is in alignment with your values and making a shift if it is needed.  External things may result.

For me the shift was possible because I finally valued myself enough.  That may sound strange since I had a bit of a god complex before thinking the world depended on me.  When I realized that 1) it does not depend on me and 2) my value does not come from saving the world, then I could take a deep breath and redesign. I could plan time in my day to watch Dr. Who on Netflix guilt free, or walk my dog multiple times a day if the sunshine beckoned.

I want meaningful work. Just enough work. I also want so much more.

Satisfying Work

One of my work assignments for my client Metropolitan Water District is to coordinate the outreach and tours for the Nigiri Project.  This is a multi-year experiment to reintroduce salmon fry to seasonal floodplain habitat to measure the benefit.  I am not a scientist, yet I can see with my own eyes, the amazing growth of the fish (especially compared to fish in the river).  It is exciting to be a part of a project that will prove instrumental if we are going to maintain native salmon runs on the Sacramento River.  That feels good.

PIT tags in salmon help scientists track the preferred habitat using the same technology as Fastrak

Surrogate wetlands, aka rice fields, provide seasonal floodplain for fish

In California, 95% of the seasonal floodplain that was once available to salmon fry migrating from spawning beds to the ocean is gone due to our hyper-efficient flood control infrastructure.  The historic floodplains provided a relatively predator-free place for small fish to hang out, gain weight, and delay entering the ocean until the upswelling off the Farallon Islands starts the food production cycle for which Coastal California is famous. The bypass system that planners created to deal with frequent flooding can be reconnected to fish and reestablished in their migratory patterns for better fish survival.  Currently the fish start their migration without any energy reserves, entering the fire hose of the Sacramento River, shooting into the Sacramento-San Joaquin Delta where invasive species (bass) are waiting to eat them, and then entering the ocean before the food supply is activated.  It is not too hard to see why the species is declining.

A part of this project that I also love is that a farm manager, John Brennan, is a key partner and committed to finding a way to make this work with rice production.  It is essential that we find a way to make it compatible with agricultural production. John’s vision is that it will be another source of income that will help keep agriculture in our floodplains.  Agriculture is the most effective way to keep the bypass free of trees and other obstructions to flood waters. He points to the partnership between Audubon and Point Reyes Bird Observatory with rice farmers to provide waterbird habitat.  John believes that fish can become part of this mix.

This year the fish have grown like gangbusters: twice as fast as last year.  The warm weather has boosted food production and consequently the fish are already the size in 3 weeks that there were after 6 weeks in 2012.  Pilot 2 – Growth 22 days (1)

I am coordinating the tours–so far over 70 people have visited the site.  We have one more week of tours and then the fish will begin to be measured, counted and released. We will have one more media day coordinated by UC Davis Watershed Science Center and Department of Water Resources.  And then sigh of satisfaction.

The Joy of Saying No

For several weeks I have been considering taking on a second client and project. It is very flattering to be considered for a very responsible role as a communications director for a major water campaign. The additional income is also very attractive. A major down-side: it would push me to a full-time+ schedule and my personal projects and life-balance would suffer.
My first gut reaction when I got the call asking me to come in for an interview was no. However, a few days later when I had the interview and I was not as tired from the Inauguration trip, I said I would consider it. And if the process had moved more swiftly I would probably already be working in the new role.
With the passage of time I had the opportunity to consider it in light of my stake of redesigning my life. And then I got a call from the woman who would be my boss for the project. She called me just 4 days after a major car accident from her bed where she was ordered to stay flat for 2 weeks because she’d fractured her back. This didn’t slow her down much.
Over the weekend I mulled over her intensity and my willingness to match it. I acknowledged that I am not willing to do this anymore. Working through serious injury is not aligned with my stake! I also thought about what I would do with the extra money. My current contract will provide more than enough money to live on. The main things I thought of buying were all things that represented time. So why not cut out the middle man and refrain from selling my time in the first place?
Finally I skyped with UK Sarah and she gave me the look that says, “Really? What are you thinking?” and I knew I was going to say no. As soon as I made that decision I got a surge of energy? What will this energy be directed toward? My writing, especially a penguin viewing guide for New Zealand, and my media company. Plus maintaining my balance and enjoying my new neighborhood in Davis.

Little Blue Penguins relaxing at Antarctica Centre in Christchurch, NZ